How very cliched is that!

Your Horoscope – 20th Sept

Some energy shifts are coming your way when it comes to romance, Scorpio, and you may not be sure quite what to do with them. This is a time where whether you are single or attached, your close relationships with others can undergo some abrupt changes at this time. The driving force behind these changes is your impatient, demanding need to achieve greater sincerity, honesty, and understanding between you and others. You are one that prefers the blunt truth, but not many around you are interested in giving this. Most people in fact are not as courageous with honesty as you may be, so trying to force it out of them is only going to work against you. Accept what is in front of you, or move on to something else you are much more deserving of. Life is too short to keep beating a dead horse, so go on and find a situation that is alive and well for you.

 

Not exactly what I wanted to restart with. Changes. Don’t really like them. Not in my relationships! But then again, who does? Though I’ve always pushed aside astrology as total bullshit, I still do read it just for the heck of it. And a lot of times to my surprise, the “predictions” do match. Though this ^ is one of the most apt things I’ve read till now.

I did not really want to blog about this. It might end up sounding like one of those random rants but then, what the hell! With the number of things happening with me and with the people around me, I just need to get it out of my system. You start off thinking that THIS is what you’ve been looking for, THIS is what is perfect for you, THIS is going to last and you’re going to make it work no matter what. And last it does. Till one person makes a mistake which gives it the first scar. And no matter what we do to cover it up, it remains. It keeps coming up every time there’s a tiny tiff and ends up blowing out of proportion. What people don’t understand is that bringing up something that’s over does not help in any manner but instead worsens the situation. And it continues to a point where you need to make an effort to even hold a conversation without losing your cool. People say Handle it with maturity. I mean, how? Just let it go? Sure you’d let it go if you weren’t living in the constant fear of getting hurt again by the same thing. Sure you’d forget about it if you knew you wouldn’t be taken for granted yet again. And sure you’d let it go if you were sure that it hurts him when you’re in pain.

So what do you do about it? The easiest and most basic solution would be to talk over it and sort it out. And both the persons should be mature enough to realize that and not say “I said let it go. It won’t happen again” or “Talking about it is only going to worsen things so leave it”. A few of the most common things that couples say if they want to avoid being confronted. I read somewhere that maturity comes when you try to understand what the other person went through instead of trying to make them realize your position and hurting them in the process. Well yes, that does make sense. But you require a LOT of patience and faith in order to achieve that level of maturity. Also there’s again the fear of being taken for granted and thrown around if you do that. So what do you do again? There lies the complication. If the two persons in a relationship are not meant for each other, somehow, no matter what they do, it just goes wrong. And that’s what’s so painful. I believe that relationships survive only and only if both the persons are unconditionally in love with each other. Not if one is hopelessly smitten and the other is taking measured steps and being extremely cautious at every point. True, it’s sensible to be careful, but it’s not love when you’re being so skeptical about it!

There are a million things people say about being in love. Everyone has their own definition and view. As for me, I don’t know. I’ve been in love and out. I’ve given it all I can and been hurt. I’ve loved and lost. But at this point of time, I don’t know what it means to be in love, cos it’s not lasted.  I don’t know if being in love means that you’re ready to accept the other person as they are and not expect anything in return, or if  it’s when you’re ready to do anything for them, even things that you’d never dream about doing otherwise.  I don’t know if it means being so comfortable around them that you can fart and crack up laughing instead of dying of embarrassment or when the thought of losing them reduces you to tears. I don’t know if it is when you want to spend every waking minute with them, or it is when you just want them to be happy, no matter where they are, even if it means distancing yourself from them.

Yes, I know sound like a hopeless emotional fool, but then which one of us isn’t? No matter how strong and tough you are, at some point of time, circumstances turn you into mush. Happens to the best of us. That’s exactly the point that I’m standing at right now. I know it’ll eventually pass, but I’m scared of my at-the-moment vulnerability getting the better of me. True, I’ve made my share of wrong decisions, but I haven’t regretted any of them, cos at one point of time it was exactly what I wanted. But now I’m one step away from paranoia. Because in spite of all the shit I’ve been through, all that I’ve seen and experienced, I’m retarded enough to still believe in true love. I stupidly still believe that I might’ve fallen for the wrong men, but there is someone out there made for me. And when it happens, it will last no matter what. Cos when you fall truly in love, it works. As simple as that. Wow now I’m a hopeless romantic along with being a hopeless emotional fool. Way to go! But honestly, from where I am standing, the light at the end of the tunnel will probably be a bloody train!

This is where I wish I was born in another generation. The one where if things were broken, they were fixed, not thrown away. Where human beings were valued more than money and material and settlement and security. It’s a sad, sad world we live in!

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